To be Generous

I just want to begin this with saying: to the maybe only two readers of my blog thank you! Love you, Mom and Dad! 

Also this: I have an awesome life. God has blessed me beyond measure with a family, a church, a school, and friends that have poured into me in immeasurable ways, and I am so beyond grateful....but I am not the best at showing this. 

I spent a lot of time this morning reflecting on the life I live, and I am very selfish. The realization of that actually shocked me.  I mean, I've always considered myself a generous person. If you're ever hungry and you want half of my cookie, I'll share with you (unless it's a chocolate chip cookie because that's an entirely different thing). I've been generous to my friends with gifts, with driving so they don't pay for gas, and with picking up their lunch bills when we go out. I tithe exactly 10% to my church, and so I've always thought generosity was one of my best qualities. But in actuality, it's probably one of my weakest. None of the things I've said is enough because that is a shallow form of generosity- materialistic generosity. Today I want to focus on how I can be generous spiritually.

I remember when I was little and my mom told me to count my blessings the list used to go something like this: food, shelter, water, Disney. But today I'm realizing that those are not the most significant blessings I have been given. Today, if you asked for a list of blessings from me it would look pretty different.

I am grateful for the grace, the love, and the undeserved compassion I have received from Jesus Christ. I am grateful for the never-ending patience that he has given to me and the unconditional forgiveness I have received.

What good is it that I took my sisters and bought them milkshakes a week ago but on the way home I yelled at my youngest sister for spilling a little bit of it in my car? Maybe she's grateful that I spent money on her, but what she'll more than likely take away from that is that my generosity is limited. That maybe I can spare the $5 to buy her something but I can't spare her the patience to let that time be a sweet memory. I spoiled it because I was selfish. I wonder how many times I have done that to people. I wonder how many times I have sat at a table with friends and maybe paid for their lunch, but not listened to them speak about their problems and been generous with my time. I wonder how many times that I have driven people around, but on the inside I've resented them because I wasn't generous with forgiveness and understanding. I think about all the times I was having a bad day and focused on myself so much that I couldn't even be generous with a smile or kind word, and maybe I made someone feel unloved. That isn't who I want to be because that's not who I was created to be.

Today I am committing to being generous with all of my blessings. I want to live like Jesus lived, and Jesus made it clear to us that we are to be generous in every capacity. Jesus never told people to give him space because he was having a bad day. He never said "knock and I will let you in between 9-5 and 10-4 on Saturdays." He never said "ask and I will give it to you but only if you ask politely and you're appropriately grateful for what I give you." His generosity is limitless and unconditional, and that's the way I want to live my life. I want to bless everyone I know- the people I get along with and the people I don't. I want to share mercy, love, and patience with everyone I know. I choose today to lay down my selfishness, and be generous no matter what. When it goes unappreciated, when it is unreciprocated I will still be generous. I'm going to show generosity the way Jesus has shown it to me.